I don't think it's a matter of believing that God can do something, it's more about believing if He will do something. Just because we ask, pray, beg, hope, and have faith that He will, doesn't mean that it's in His Will to do so. I think that's where a lot of the hesitancy to ask comes from. We are afraid to get our hopes up.
I know God can do anything at all. He can fix anything He wants. He can make the most amazing things happen instantaneously out of proper nightmares. But does He want to?
Mark 9:23 Jesus calls to task the father of the boy with the evil spirits. The father said, "If you can do anything, take pity on us and help us." Jesus responded with "'If I can'?" and followed up with "Everything is possible for him who believes."
But just because it's possible, doesn't mean it's probable.
Sometimes things are in His Won't.
For whatever divine reason He has, sometimes He just says "Nope."
It's not a punishment because we weren't good enough, or didn't have enough brownie points racked up, ir that we failed.... it's because He knows things we don't, and He knows why His 'Won't' is better then His 'Will', even if it hurts for awhile..... or forever.
This is where we have to have faith to know that even though He said "no", that we believe and know that He had purpose behind that answer. He thought about us when He gave that answer. He sees us. He is El Roi. He looks at us with love. But, even if it's hard to do, even if we are confused, we must still trust Him to know what is best in light of the unseen events in our future, or to fix things in the present that we are unaware of.
Where is all of this coming from? Yesterday when I started this blog, I was an hour away from leaving my house with my baby girl Sadie for the vet's office. She had been sick for 2 weeks. First with allergies, and then a very tough heat cycle. She wouldn't eat and I had been force feeding her bone broth. She was losing weight quickly and something wasn't right. She had rebounded for a moment, but then three days ago she started to get much worse.
As I sat worried about what the vet would say at the appointment, and asking God to heal her, I flipped my Bible open for some God words of hope, comfort, or ..... something. It opened to Mark 9, and the only verse highlighted was verse 23. I was reminded again that I need to know, I mean REALLY know, that God really truly can do anything. If something doesn't happen, it isn't because He can't, it's because He didn't. He doesn't put things on the "won't" list because He wants to punish us, but because He knows something we don't. And He wants us to trust Him through the pain and fear.
All the way to the vet, with my baby wrapped in a blankie, sleeping in a bed of fluffiness, I remembered a verse out of a song that became my mantra as I drove. I hummed it and sang it all the way in.
"My God is so big, so strong and so mighty. There's nothing my God can not do."
Did He choose a miracle yesterday at the vet's office? No, He didn't. He took my baby girl home with Him. But He's asking me to trust Him and not pull away with the "whys".
Having faith includes knowing that when the God of miracles says "no", He still asks me to love Him through the questions and hurt.
It's hard to feel love when you just want to spread blame. Blame on myself, blame on God, pretty much anywhere that I can point a finger at for the unfairness. I was alone through all of this and I want to blame someone for that too. I want self-pity to sit along side my self-blame. But I can't. Blame doesn't fix anything. It just causes division and plants a seed inside of me that doesn't grow anything beautiful but just rots instead. So what do we do? What do I do? I have to choose to trust God. I have to choose to hand the hurt to Him. I have to not wallow in self pity. I have to ask God to somehow grow something beautiful out of all of this.
I'm going to desperately miss my Sadie-girl. She sassed me, she slept many nights on my bed. She begged for lovings and she would sit still for hours to wait for a squirrel to run. She would ask for us all to go to bed because she was tired and wouldn't go without us. She got the zoomies and loved to place chase. She was the best at catching treats, and the worst about eating her dinner. She scared away the scary people and she would just sit next to me hoping I'd just touch her, (which I always did.) She was amazing and she's gone way way too soon.
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